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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    United Kingdom


    Aloha!! ^___^ My name is Molly!! These Scripts have been made from my pure love for Dynasty Warriors! Nothing here is made to critisize the actual characters, but rather embrace them. >D
    They are not really Scripts, but this is the closest way to describe them. I actually wrote them as expressions of my demented mind. XP Enjoy!!

    SHU- SHOW AND TELL (Dynasty Warriors 3/4)

    Liu Bei: Everyone! To celebrate our success in the conquest of Han Zhong, I thought it would be nice to have a celebration day. What do you think?
    Yue Ying: I think that's a splendid idea! Don't you, dear?
    Zhuge Liang: Indeed. There is a lot of opportunity that awaits Lord Liu Bei. I say we throw a party.
    Wei Yan: Show..and..tell.
    *Yue Ying looks at Wei Yan*
    Wei Yan: Show...and..tell.
    Yue Ying: A show and tell day? I think that's a splendid idea! Don't you, dear?
    Zhuge Liang: Indeed. I have already prepared my Show and tell.
    Yue Ying: What? But Wei Yan only just mentioned i-
    Zhuge Liang: I read his mind three days ago, just like when Liu Bei knocked on my door three times.
    Yue Ying:...Ohhh.
    Huang Zhong: and tell...not a bad idea. FINALLY I found something that I can do with you kids.

    Later in the day...

    Liu Bei: The stage is set. Are you all ready?
    Everyone: Yes!

    Liu Bei: Okay.

    (Whispering) Zhuge Liang: You're supposed to LEAD your people..
    Liu Bei: Oh!
    Umm...Okay, Zhao Yun you first!
    Huang Zhong: Why does that whelp always get to go first?
    Liu Bei: Whelp!? He saved my son!
    *Everyone looks at Liu Chan hiding behind the curtains*
    Zhao Yun: Okay..*cough*
    Everyone: Ooooh....
    Wei Yan: Boring.
    Huang Zhong: We've had to see you use it every day in battle. Can't you show us something a little different!?
    Zhao Yun:...

    Liu Bei: Zhang Fei, you're next!
    Zhang Fei: *pulls Xing Cai out from the audience* This is my daughter!
    Xing Cai: Uh dad, I think they know that.
    Zhang Fei: And she's the sweetest daughter anyone could ever have. Her big heart and extraordinary looks will get her very far in life.
    Xing Cai: *blush* Aww...but I think they knew that too.
    Everyone: YAY!!
    Liu Bei: Next!
    Wei Yan: Hi.
    Everyone: Hi!
    Wei Yan: Points to mask. This is a mask.
    *Everyone nods in agreement*
    Wei Yan: Thankyou. *walks off stage*
    *Everyone applauds*
    Liu Bei: Next is brother Guan Yu!
    Guan Yu: This is my beard.
    Everyone: Oooh...aahhh!
    Guan Yu: The shampoo I use? Head and shoulders. The perfume I use? Calvine Kline. The soap I use? Dove. The medicine I use? Paracetamol. The cleaning product I use? TCP. If you can't clean it, TCP it. Bazooka that Varuka. Maybe it's Maybellene. Because you're worth it. I use nightole to give it a good sleep everyday.

    *Everyone sits silently*

    Liu Bei: Wow Guan Yu...I never knew..
    Liu Bei: Next up, Zhuge Liang.

    Zhuge Liang: Behold, my strategy books. They were the key to my lords victory. Without them, he would have never gotten this far. He has to thank me now. *turns to Liu Bei*
    Liu Bei:...Huh?
    Zhuge Liang: Thank me.
    Liu Bei: Uh...thankyou?
    Zhuge Liang. No, you must thank me three times, like when you knocked three times on the door to the heavens.
    *Yue Ying slaps forehead*
    Liu Bei: Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
    Zhuge Liang: Indeed.
    Zhuge Liang: I have made a copy of each of my strategy books for you all to read. I want you to read it in the mornings, evenings and afternoons. Before meals and after meals, and as a prayer before you go to bed. Afterwards say ''Thankyou Zhuge Liang for the bread we eat and the wine we drink.''
    *Everyone looks at eachother*
    Zhuge Liang: Liu Bei, you take one too.
    Liu Bei: Thankyou..
    Liu Bei: *sigh* Thankyou Zhuge Liang for the bread we eat and the wine we drink, three times.
    Zhuge Liang: That's better.
    Liu Bei: Umm okay...n-next.
    Ma Chao: I am Ma Chao!
    Everyone: 'kay.
    Ma Chao: Is justice with us?
    Everyone: Yes.
    Everyone: YES!
    Ma Chao: I can't hear you!
    Everyone: YESSSS!!!!!!
    Ma Chao: Good, that's what I like to hear! *walks off stage*
    Liu Bei: Wait, you haven't even shown us anything!
    Ma Chao: I've shown you the true meaning of justice, and the people have just told me what justice is.
    Liu Bei: *Slaps forehead again* Please...the next person that comes up be decent..
    Jiang Wei: I'm next. Be proud Prime Minister!
    Liu Bei: Ah! Jiang Wei! You won't disappoint me!
    Jiang Wei: Prime Minister, give me orders. Quickly! I'm up on stage!
    Zhuge Liang: But Jiang Wei, you're supposed to have already prepared something.
    Jiang Wei: No! I will not do anything if prime minister had not agreed on it!
    Zhuge Liang: Then why didn't you ask me if I agreed?
    Jiang Wei: I was waiting for you to ask me to ask you! And besides, you never told me to prepare anything for show and tell in the first place. Liu Bei did!
    *Zhuge Liang slaps forehead*
    Zhuge Liang: Excuse me Liu Bei, while I help Jiang Wei get something ready for show and tell. We will be back in a few hours.
    Liu Bei:...........right..
    *Everyone gossips*
    Liu Bei: Alright, nothing to see here!
    Huang Zhong: Well duh, then this wouldn't be show and-
    Liu Bei: NEXT!
    Pang Tong: See these cards? Why do they look like this?
    Ma Chao: Because they're cards?
    Pang Tong: That's right! But why else?
    Yue Ying: Because you're hiding one up your sleeve!
    Pang Tong:..Damn, you ruined my entire trick. *Walks off stage*
    Zhang Fei: don't look so good.
    Ma Chao: Are those grey hairs!?
    Liu Bei: I-I'm was I going to say? Oh
    Huang Zhong: Um...there is no next?
    Yue Ying: Wait! Look over there!
    Ma Chao: Is it a bird?
    Pang Tong: Is it a plane?
    Guan Yu: What the hell are you guys talking about? There's nothing even up there!
    Zhuge Liang: -No! It's Jiang Wei!
    Yue Ying: *Turns to Zhuge Liang* Where did you come from?
    Ma Chao: A blonde wig? A pink dress? Fishnet stockings?? Lipstick!? WHAT IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE IS THE MAN WEARING!?
    Zhuge Liang: I just HAD to give him that outfit.
    Jiang Wei: Wait! I haven't finished! *Does the Cancan*

    ....*random whistle coming from a nobody at the back of the audience*

    *Zhuge claps, while the rest sit in shock*
    Liu Bei:
    Huang Zhong: Alright you young pups! I hope you're all prepared.
    *Audience is engaged*
    Huang Zhong: Behold, my bow and arrow! One shoot of this baby, and even the most foolish player hits the target. *Shoots arrow through Zhuge Liang's hat*
    Audience: Oooh!
    Zhuge Liang: My beautiful hat!!! *cries*
    Yue Ying: There there. I'll knit you another one.
    Huang Zhong: It can even shoot multipe arrows. *shoots three arrows at the same times*
    Pang Tong: My hat!
    Wei Yan: My mask!
    Guan Yu: My beaard!!
    Liu Bei: Apart from making half the audience cry, that was a very good show and tell!
    Huang Zhong: Thankyou my lord! *bows* But now you have to do one!
    Liu Bei: W-what? me?
    Huang Zhong: Of course you!
    Liu Bei: Well..hmm...oh! Hold on! I'll just get it!
    *Audience chatters while awaiting Liu Bei's return*
    Liu Bei: I'm back! *Hiding the object behind his back* Okay, this is one of my most precious things to me. More precious than my Kingdom, my brothers and my people...put together.
    Zhuge Liang: Now this..should be interesting..
    Liu Bei: Behold! My favourite teddybear in the wholest widest worldest! *hugs teddy tight*
    *Audience sits in complete and utter silence*
    Ma Chao: I think I'm going to throw up..
    Guan Yu: Brother, you have disappointed me.
    Zhang Fei: .........
    The oath has already been broken.
    Zhao Yun: My never told me..
    Wei Yan: Awww..
    *Audience glares*
    Liu Bei: Okay, now that I have let out my big secret, I feel so much better! *walks off*
    *Walks back on*
    Liu Bei: Finally, I have one more show and tell!

    *Audience is too shocked to reply*

    Liu Bei: bring in the horse!
    *Seven men walk on stage alongside a seemingly disorientated looking horse*
    This is the horse I ride on. Now you see, this is not a real horse. Every time you see me riding a horse, it's always this one. But there are real people inside it! Look! One at the front...and one at the back! I could never ride on real horses, so I use these two people because they go nice and slow so I can't get horse sick.
    *audience's mouths hang open*
    I'll tell you a little secret too. I don't get off the horse by myself. I get seven men to assist me to get down, even when I'm just a centimetre away from the floor!
    *Audience's mouths hang even more open*
    Have none of you ever noticed!? Look! There's a split in the middle of the horse so the two people can get inside! I may seem useless and timid on the battlefield, but that's only because my horse is made of felt, and that it can't go very fast. Come to think of it, I can run ten times faster without the horse. Thankyou my men! You have helped me realize something in this show and tell! I Now I understand why no one else in this Kingdom uses felt horses except me! Finally I can be myself! *walks off*
    Liu Bei: Next!

    Audience:......................................... ..................
    Guan Ping: *Avoiding passing Liu Bei, walks on the stage*
    Guan Ping: This is the headband that was given to me by my father. I've worn it ever since he's given it to me, and have never taken it off. I was touched by Zhuge Liang's show and tell, and will now follow his words as a prayer. Zhuge Liang....wherever you are....I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be my father's son, and my father's father's son's son. Thankyou for the bread we eat and the wine we drink.Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, amen.
    Zhuge Liang: *sniff* Beautiful..
    Liu Bei: Guan Ping...thankyou for saving this entire show and tell. Your words were very touching!
    Guan Ping: *bow* Any time, my lord! *Sits back next to Zhuge Liang*
    Liu Bei: Alright!! Now last, but not least. The wonderful...The lovely...Yue Ying!
    Yue Ying: Alright! *Pulls something from behind the curtains*
    *Audience tries to peep*
    Yue Ying: behold, the JUGGERNAUGHT! This baby breathes out fire, and can scare real tigers in the amazon! It took me a while to design and even longer to build, but look at it now!
    Audience: Oooh
    Huang Zhong: Now I'd like to be on one of those!
    Liu Bei: Excellent Yue Ying! Keep going! This talent show might just have a happy ending.
    Yue Ying: I'll demonstrate it's fire attack! *jumps inside*
    Liu Bei: YUE YING! NO!
    *Juggernaught breathes fire*
    *entire building gets engulfed in flames*
    (While on fire) Zhuge Liang: An amazing invention Yue Ying. This machine will surely be known throughout History.

    Peasant: The entire Shu Kingdom has been engulfed in flames.
    Cao Cao: WHAT!?...hahahahahahahah! Who could have done such a thing!?
    Peasant: The last person you'd expect, Yue Ying.
    Cao Cao: And how do you know this?
    Peasant: Umm...oh yeah, first of all, can I join ur army?

    Cao Cao:.... You're from Shu, aren't you!?
    Peasant: Maybe..


    Peasant: Lord Sun Quan, the entire Shu Kingdom has been engulfed in flames. Rumor has it that a juggernaut was involved in the destruction.
    Sun Jian: What could this be!?
    Lu Xun: WHAT!? *sticks his twin sabers to the peasant's neck* Do you know how many times I have attempted to burn down that Kingdom!?
    Peasant: Uh *gulp*
    Lu Xun: One too many times..
    Sun Jian: Well that's brilliant!
    Now lets go and detroy Wei.
    Last edited by Ghost Of Da Qiao; 31-07-09 at 04:44 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    United Kingdom


    Zhao Yun: Okay..*cough*
    Everyone: Ooooh....
    Wei Yan: Boring.
    hahahaha...I think this is how alot of people feel about Zhao Yun on this forum!! (apart from LDZ and me of course!)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    United Kingdom


    XD Really!? That's weird! @.@; I know a girl who is Crazy about him! I changed Zhao Yun's original reply incase it was not allowed......<_<;

    WU- TALENT SHOW (Dynasty Warriors 3/4)

    Sun Quan: Alright men, I think our successful fire attack at Chi Bi is worth a celebration. Don't you?. Zhou Yu is slowly recovering, and the Qiao's are still safe with us, so lets make this a big celebration. Any ideas for the occassion?
    Gan Ning: Get drunk. You know, like drunk drunk...till we throw up.
    Sun Shang Xiang: I say we do a weeks worth of exercise in one day!
    Sun Ce: Are you kidding? That would kill us.
    Sun Shang Xiang: Alright Ce, lets see if you can think of something better then.
    Da Qiao: A reading session...or perhaps some live music played by Sun Ce?
    Xiao Qiao: Bleh! I hate reading. I want a BIIIG talent show!
    Sun Ce: Lu Meng usually comes up with the big ideas around here.
    Xiao Qiao: HEY, are any of you even listening?
    Sun Shang Xiang: Where's Lu Meng?
    Xiao Qiao: Talent showww!
    Gan Ning: He's asleep.
    Xiao Qiao: Quit ignoring me!
    Taichi Ci: Go wake him up then.
    Gan Ning: Okay.
    ...Wait a minute, NO! You go wake him up!
    Sun Quan: Hmm..actually that's not a bad idea Xiao..
    Xiao Qiao: THANKYOU!
    Sun Quan: But where do you think we should have it?
    Xiao Qiao: Outside!
    Da Qiao: Inside.
    Sun Quan: Outside it is!
    Da Qiao: Hmph..why must Xiao Qiao always get her way?
    Xiao Qiao: *points to Da Qiao* Ha ha!
    Sun Quan: It's settled! *Takes a sip of his Earl Grey tea*

    Later on..

    Xiao Qiao: Hey sis, I'm gonna beat you!
    Da Qiao: *reading book* Sure you will..
    Xiao Qiao: Hey sis, I'm gonna beat you!
    Da Qiao: Tch! *snaps book closed* Xiao, it's just a talent show, not a competition...
    Xiao Qiao: DOESN'T MATTER!! I'll still prove to everyone that I'm the better Qiao!
    Da Qiao: Wha..? Will you quit acting like such a baby!
    Sun Ce: Hey girls, stop fighting! We're supposed to be celebrating our victory, not getting upset over it.
    Da Qiao: *sigh* You're right Ce.
    Xiao Qiao: Hmph! I'm gonna look for Zhou Yu!


    Zhou Yu: Alright, lets try this one more time!

    *Smashes boulder with his sword*

    Xiao Qiao: Wow! Do that again!!
    Zhou Yu: Oh Xiao, there you are. You're not supposed to see this until the show!
    Xiao Qiao: Whoops!! *Covers eyes* Promise I won't tell anyone!
    Zhou Yu: Actually, I am quite interested to see your idea for the show too. Have you been working hard for it?
    Xiao Qiao: You bet! I've even been practicing in my sleep!
    Zhou Yu: Hmm..Interesting..
    Xiao Qiao: Yeah, sis found it weird.
    Zhou Yu: That reminds me, are you and Da getting along today?
    Xiao Qiao: Hmph, no. She thinks she can out do me in anything. I'll show her! I deserve to have my way too, you know.
    Zhou Yu: Well Xiao, you are the one who decided on this entire event, and where it should be taking place, so be proud of that at least.
    Xiao Qiao:...Oh yeah! Tee hee.
    Xiao Qiao: Now, what did I come here to tell you?
    ...Oh yeah!

    *Whispers in Zhou Yu's ear*

    Zhou Yu: .. ....XIAO QIAO!! You just revealed to me your entire performance!
    Xiao Qiao: Really? *slaps mouth* Whoops! Clumsy me..

    *knock knock*

    Xiao Qiao: COME IIIIN!!

    Zhou Yu: *slaps hand over Xiao's mouth* NO WAIT, DON'T!!
    *grabs a cloth and covers the boulder*

    Sun Shang Xiang: Um, just to tell you that the talent show will be startin' in around 5 minutes. Get ready guys!

    Zhou Yu: Ah, okay!
    Zhou Yu: Xiao, sorry but you'll have to leave for now. I just need to polish my moves a bit before the show starts.
    Zhou Yu: No, that's not i-
    Xiao Qiao: WAAAH!!! *runs out of the room*
    Zhou Yu: -t


    Sun Jian: Men, you have all done an excellent job setting up the looks mighty worthy for a Wu celebration.
    Xiao Qiao: You decorated it with fans!? Sun Jian, you rock!
    Sun Jian: Haha, you think?

    *turns around*

    Sun Jian: The stage is set! The official talent show is starting, and I, The Tiger Of Jiang Dong will be rating each of the performances.

    Sun Shang Xiang: This should be fun!
    Da Qiao: Huh? I thought it was just a show, not a competition..
    Xiao Qiao: Told ya sis!

    Sun Jian: We even have a Nobody joining us this evening!

    Nobody: *waves*


    Ling Tong: ..Does he have to?
    Sun Jian: Well it would be impolite not to at least let him have a go.
    Nobody: Yay!
    Ling Tong: *slaps face*

    Sun Jian: Alright, these are how the prizes will go..*cough*

    *Everyone listens*

    Sun Jian:
    ...The person in third place recieves some CD's and a glass of warm milk, presented by a Nobody.

    *Everyone sits in silence*

    ...The person in second place recieves the Peacock Urn.

    *Everyone chatters*

    ...And the winner will recieve..

    *Everyone sits in silence*

    the Imperial Seal.

    **Everyone fights**

    Sun Ce: I'm the coolest!
    Sun Quan: But I was brought up the most English, so I deserve it!
    Sun Ce: Yeah, but you ain't Sun Jian's favourite son, I am!
    Sun Shang Xiang: I'm obviously his favourite daughter!
    Ling Tong: Alright guys, calm down.
    Xiao Qiao: Yeah!? Well I get anything I want, and I WANT that Imperial Seal!
    Lu Xun: You fools! How can you win without using fire!?
    Gan Ning: But I'm a pirate!
    Ling Tong: Guys..please..
    Zhou Tai: You lose. I win.

    *Lu Meng runs out of the building in his pajamas* DID SOMEONE SAY IMPERIAL SEAL??

    Ling Tong: GUYS, SHUT THE HELL UP!
    Nobody 1: ...I want the Imperial Seal!
    Nobody 2: No I want it!
    Nobody 3: I'll trade you milk for it if u win!
    Nobody 4: Can I have a imperial seal too?
    Nobody 5: I'm Sun Jian's favourite Nobody!
    Nobody 6: Sun Jian's favourite number is 6!

    Da Qiao: *stands up* STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Everyone shuts up*

    Da Qiao: *cough* Thankyou.
    Can we please continue this in a respectable manner?

    Sun Jian: .....Thankyou Da Qiao.
    Sun Jian: Has everyone calmed down yet?

    Everyone: Yes..

    Sun Jian: So are we ready to begin now?

    Everyone: YES!

    Sun Jian: Good. Then lets start.
    Sun Quan: Like they always say, ''Talee Ho!'

    Sun Jian: First up, Sun Ce.

    Sun Ce: Alright! *Gets out an electric guitar*
    Da Qiao: Oh my!

    Sun Ce: *plays*

    Taishi Ci: MY EARS!!

    Huang Gai: Haha! Sun Ce, you have it in you!
    Da Qiao: *blush* I-I think I'm going to faint..
    Sun Ce: Recognize this tune Da?
    Da Qiao: Hey, I DO recognize this tune! Isn't this 'Assault on Liu Biao'?'
    Sun Ce: Right on!! *Strikes the last note*

    *Everyone claps*

    Sun Jian: Alright son, you're next.

    Sun Ce: Uh...there's four Sun's in the family. Which Sun?
    Sun Jian: No, I said son!
    Sun Ce: Oh...there's two son's in the family. which son?
    Sun Jian: Quan! You already had your go.
    Sun Ce: Oh..okay..

    Sun Quan: I AM going to win that Imperial Seal..*Goes onto the stage mounted on his horse*

    *Takes a tea pot and pours a hot cup of Earl Grey into his Tea Cup.*

    Sun Ce:...Sitting on a horse, drinking tea is a talent?
    Sun Quan: Of course! Who else have you known to sit on a white stallion as proudly as this? I'd give that a 10 if I were me!

    *Everyone sits in silence*

    -Didn't you know that Liu Bei of Shu rides on a fake horse? *Drinks his tea* I feel quite sorry for the man. *puts more sugar in his cup* But then again, *pours more tea* his riding skills are just as bad as his leadership.
    The poor chap.

    Sun Shang Xiang: ...Brother, you're SO going to get a '0'.

    Sun Ce:...Can't you do one thing to at least earn yourself a score?
    Sun Quan: Oh, fine. *Does a single trot*
    *Sun Jian holds up a '0' card*
    Sun Shang Xiang: Brother, will you at least get off the stage so the next person can perform..?
    Sun Quan: At least have the courtesy to let me finish my tea first!

    An hour later..

    Sun Shang Xiang: Sun Quan, you really should be getting off the stage by now..
    Sun Quan: But I'm only half way finished!

    Another half an hour later..

    Zhou Tai: ...THAT'S IT! *Lifts Sun Quan with his bare hands and carries him off stage*
    Sun Ce: Wow Zhou Tai, you really are the hero of Wu.
    Zhou Tai: It's my duty..
    Xiao Qiao: Zhou Tai, now it's your go!
    Zhou Tai: I've done it.
    Xiao Qiao: Done what?
    Zhou Tai: My talent.
    Xiao Qiao: What did you do?
    Zhou Tai: Lift up my master. With my bare hands. 10. Imperial Seal.
    Sun Shang Xiang: ..Wow, there's some biiig competition here *rolls eyes*

    Sun Quan: is Xiao Qiao.

    Da Qiao: Oh, I've been desperate to see this.

    Xiao Qiao: HAH! Watch this sis!
    *Takes a large mirror and places it on stage*

    *Takes out some bubblegum*

    *Chews the bubblegum, then faces the mirror*

    Xiao Qiao: Who do you think you are?
    Xiao Qiao:...Huh?
    Xiao Qiao: You've got attitude talking to me like that! *blows bubble*

    Sun Shang Xiang (Whispering to Sun Ce): Is she talking to herself??
    Sun Ce (Whispering back):....I dunno, but I'm so glad I married Da..

    Xiao Qiao: I hate you!
    Xiao Qiao: I hate you even more!
    *Smashes mirror and starts crying*

    Sun Ce:....
    I don't even know what just happened.
    Sun Shang: Zhou Yu, do you know what just happened?
    Zhou Yu: ..She told me not to tell.
    Xiao Qiao: DON'T TELL!
    Zhou Yu: Alright Xiao Qiao, I'm not telling!

    Sun Quan: Um..yes..well..*cough* Can we put a little more effort into our talents please?

    Xiao Qiao: What's effort?

    Sun Quan: ...
    Next is Shang Xiang!

    Sun Shang Xiang: Okay, I want all of you guys to join in with me! LETS EXERCISE!!

    Everyone: Huh!?

    Sun Ce: THIS is your talent? Sis, I've seen you do so many amazing things. Why did ya pick this one?
    Sun Shang Xiang: Aw, c'mon bro! This is a really great exercise!
    Sun Ce: If you say so...

    Sun Shang Xiang: Okay, now first lift this leg.

    *No one does anything*

    Sun Shang Xiang: That's great! Now do the same with the other leg.

    *No one does anything*

    Sun Shang Xiang: Great! Keep that body in shape!

    Huang Gai: *attempts*
    .. I can't even do half the moves you're telling us to do!

    Sun Shang Xiang: That's great, keep going!

    Huang Gai: The leg exercise is almost impossible for me to do..

    Sun Shang Xiang: That's great, keep going!


    Sun Shang Xiang: Now take deep breath!...and training is finished!!

    Sun Shang Xiang: What did you think of that Sun Ce?
    Sun Ce: I guess it was good and all, but I don't actually think that was a talent of sort. More like an every day routine..
    Sun Shang Xiang: You know mine's the best!
    Xiao Qiao: Mine's better!
    Huang Gai: *rests* there anything you kids can't do?
    Da Qiao: Yes, Xiao Qiao can't keep her mouth shut.
    Xiao Qiao: I HEARD THAT!!
    Da Qiao: You were SUPPOSED to hear that.
    Xiao Qiao: I can't wait to make fun of your show and tell!
    Da Qiao: You just try!

    Sun Ce: Honey, you're next.
    Da Qiao: Okay, here goes..*Walks on stage, bringing a flower pot with her*
    Sun Shang Xiang: What's she gonna do?
    Sun Ce: No idea..
    Da Qiao: *stares at pot*

    A few minutes later..

    Da Qiao: *Keeps staring*

    Sun Shang Xiang:....Is something supposed to happen?
    Xiao Qiao: You're so weird sis. How do you expect to win the talent show like this?

    Taichi Ci: Wait, look!
    Huang Gai: ..Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing, or are my old eyes betraying me?
    Xiao Qiao: What the..!?
    Sun Shang Xiang: Woah!
    Sun Quan: By god, the plant is actually turning red!
    Lu Xun: So it's DO make flowers blush!
    Da Qiao: Of course!

    Xiao Qiao:...WAAAHHH!!! *bursts out in tears* How comes you're the only one who's able to do that?? IT'S NOT FAIR! *grabs a nearby tea cup and smashes it on the floor*
    Sun Quan: MY CHINA TEA CUP!!!!
    Xiao Qiao: No fair! *stands at a corner of the garden*

    Sun Shang Xiang: Dad, I think you're next!
    Sun Jian: Me? Haha! *Walks onto the stage* Watch this Shang Xiang!

    *ENTIRE Wu Kingdom shakes*

    Everyone:......................................... .....

    Sun Jian: What do you think of that kids?

    Sun Ce:... .... Jeez dad, you really are a tiger.
    Sun Jian: Haha, thankyou son! But do you know what else I can do?
    Sun Ce: Uh...everything? *turns to Sun Shang Xiang* Haha, I bet paps could even create illusions if he wanted to.

    *Turns back to Sun Jian just to see 7 more Sun Jians standing right in front of him*

    Sun Jian's: Haha, here I am!

    Sun Ce:......
    Sun Jian: But which one is the real me?
    Sun Shang Xiang: The middle one!
    Sun Jian: What makes you think that Shang Xiang?
    Sun Shang Xiang: Because that's the only one with its mouth moving!
    Sun Jian:...Darn! Haha, very good.

    *walks off stage*

    Sun Ce: Alright, Taichi Ci tell Lu Meng to get his ass down here now. We've got a talent show and he still thinks it's fine to sleep through the entire thing.
    Sun Shang Xiang (whispering): Psst, Ce, I don't think he was even awake when the talent show was announced.
    Sun Ce: ...Oh.
    Taishi Ci: I don't want to!
    Sun Ce: Why Not?
    Taishi Ci: I don't want to miss anything.
    Sun Shang Xiang: Why don't you tell Gan Ning to do it? He's fallen asleep already. Actually, I think he fell asleep before the talent show even started.
    Sun Ce: Great....someone go wake him up.
    Ling Tong: Leave it to me. *Goes into the palace*
    Sun Shang Xiang: What do you think he's gonna do?
    Sun Ce: Beats me.
    Ling Tong: *Comes back out with a huge bowl of freezing cold water*
    Sun Shang Xiang: *gasp* You wouldn't!
    Ling Tong: I would.
    *pours the entire bowl on Gan Ning's face*
    Gan Ning: AAAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!
    Ling Tong: Finally, you've woken up.
    Gan Ning: WHY I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!
    Ling Tong: First go wake up Lu Meng.
    Gan Ning: You woke me up just for that!? Jeez, you guys are so lazy!
    Ling Tong: They told me to do it!
    Sun Shang Xiang: Yeah, it's rude to sleep through a Wu get together. Plus we need your cheering after every performance!
    Gan Ning: Ugh, whatever.. *Goes into the palace to wake up Lu Meng*

    Half an hour later..

    *Lu Meng walks outside*
    Lu Meng: Ugh...what time is it? *rubs eye*

    Sun Ce: Uh *points to the stage*..talent show time?
    Sun Shang Xiang: Yeah Lu Meng, you gotta show us one of your talents!
    Lu Meng: Oh, for that Imperial Seal!? *eyes suddenly widen*
    Sun Shang Xiang: Wow, he's obsessed..

    Lu Meng:...I've got one!!

    *Everyone smiles*
    Sun Shang Xiang: Well? Then show us.

    Lu Meng:.....Alright, here I go..

    *Sky turns red*

    Sun Ce: ...Now that definately AIN'T a tiger roar..
    Sun Shang Xiang: O-kay...Lu Meng, WHAT did you just do?
    Lu Meng: I called onto the devil.
    Sun Jian: You never told me you could call onto the devil!
    Lu Meng: Well if I couldn't, what gives me the right to compare people to the devil?.
    Everyone: ...
    Taichi Ci: Lu Meng, you rule!

    Xiao Qiao: Hey Zhou Yu, it's your turn!
    ...Huh? Zhou Yu?
    Messenger: Zhou Yu has fallen ill due to stress of the talent show.
    Xiao Qiao: What the hell? What's wrong with this guy??

    *everyone chatters*

    Sun Jian: I hope he gets well soon. We can't continue the talent show without hi-
    Zhou Yu: I'm back! Sorry, I'm feeling a bit better now.
    Xiao Qiao: ..Man Zhou Yu, you're weird.
    Sun Ce: Hey pal, I bet you were faking that illness so you could practice more, eh? *wink*
    Zhou Yu: Shh!
    Zhou Yu: Alright, I think I'm ready to perform now!
    Xiao Qiao:..Hey, I already know what you're gonna do!
    Zhou Yu: Okay Xiao, just DON'T tell anyone what I'm going to do. I'll do the talking..
    *clicks fingers*

    *seven peons bring a covered object on stage*

    Zhou Yu: Behold! *lifts cloth* I shall now slice this giant boulder in one swift blow!

    Everyone: Oooh...


    *Boulder falls into two even halves*

    Xiao Qiao: Wow Zhou Yu!! *claps* That was brilliant!

    Zhou Yu: I'm not done yet!

    Zhou Yu: HAH! HAH! HAAH!! *slashes*

    *Boulder falls into eight blocks*

    Sun Shang Xiang: He was too fast for me to even catch!
    Sun Ce: Those are some sweet moves Zhou Yu!
    Zhou Yu: YU think? Hahaha!
    Sun Ce: Ahaha!
    Xiao Qiao: Tee Hee Hee!
    Sun Jian: Good one Zhou Yu! Hahaha!


    Cao Cao:
    *pops head out from bushes*
    Cao Cao: Hmph! Look at how much fun they're having! What insolence!
    *pops head back into bushes*


    Gan Ning: Hey Ling, you're next.

    Ling Tong: Right, my turn. *Gets out Nunchuku* Watch and learn.
    *Places a pile of wheat onto the ground*
    Oh wait..*puts on a farmer's hat*
    Gan Ning: This'll be fun to watch..
    Ling Tong: HAH! Hah! *wields nunchuku*
    Sun Shang Xiang: Wow! Did you see what he just did!? He just beat the wheat to the ground!
    Sun Jian: Impressive..
    Huang Gai: You've got skill, young one.

    Taichi Ci: I'm next! *gets onto stage*

    Ling Tong: Piece of cake. *whispers to Gan Ning* Bet you couldn't beat that.
    Gan Ning: Why I'll show you!

    Sun Jian: Next is Taich-
    Gan Ning: I'M GOING NEXT!!

    Sun Jian: But..

    Gan Ning: *Kicks Taichi Ci off stage* I'll show you Ling Tong!!!

    Taichi Ci: Ugh Guuuh, NOO! *Falls*
    My luck has run out..

    Ling Tong: Oh, this'll be fun.

    Gan Ning: *Takes out some bells*
    Sun Shang Xiang: How exciting! I wonder what he's gonna do..

    Gan Ning: Here I go!

    *Makes a ''Jingle Bells'' tune with the bells while dancing*

    Gan Ning: Jingle Bells. Ling Tong smells..
    Lin Tong: HEY!!!

    Huang Gai: The man can dance!?
    Xiao Qiao: Wow, what a weirdo!
    Lu Meng: I like that tune. Jingle bells, hm hm hm-
    Gan Ning: Hah! What did you think of that Ling Tong?
    Ling Tong: was creepy?
    Gan Ning: That's all?
    Ling Tong: No, it was VERY creepy.
    Sun Jian: Very good Gan Ning. I would have given you a 10, but due to you having just pushed Taichi Ci off the stage and thus ceasing his ability to perform, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an unlucky -10.
    Gan Ning: WHAT!!?
    Xiao Qiao: Quick! Someone put a dunce hat on him!
    Gan Ning: Watch your mouth, lady!

    Sun Jian: Next, it's Nobody's turn!
    Ling Tong: ..So does that mean the show's over?
    Sun Jian: No, it's THE Nobody's turn.
    Ling Tong: Ohh..

    Nobody: I'm next! *walks up on stage*
    Nobody: *pulls a cow on stage*
    I will show you first hand how to milk a cow!
    Xiao Qiao: Ew, I don't wanna look!
    Sun Shang Xiang: WHY are you showing us this?
    Sun Jian: QUIET EVERYONE! Let him proceed.
    Nobody: *milks cow*

    A few minutes later..

    Nobody: And there you have it, nice fresh miwk!
    Gan Ning: I think I'm gonna be sick..
    Ling Tong: That was just gross.

    Sun Jian: Well, I found it very fascinating.
    Nobody: *Holding the glass to Sun Jian's face* So will Sun Jian drink some nice fresh miwk?
    Sun Jian: Uh..umm...Why don't you save it for the lucky person in third place? Eheh..
    Nobody: Okay!

    Sun Jian: Who's next?
    Lu Xun: Moi!
    Sun Jian: Ah, Lu Xun. Your performance will surely outshine the rest!

    Everyone: WHAT!?

    Lu Xun: Alright, this performance will take up a bit more than the size of the stage. I'm gonna have to use that space over there.
    Sun Jian: Alright.
    Sun Shang Xiang: I can't wait!

    Lu Xun: Ready?

    *Reveals a row of 20 hay stacks*

    Everyone: Ooooh..

    Lu Xun: You see these hay stacks?
    Da Qiao: Yes, and they are very big. What are you planning to do?
    Sun C: Oh no..I think I KNOW what he's gonna do..

    Lu Xun: Now, if I can just find them...
    ...Ah! Here we go!
    *takes out a match*

    Sun Ce: Here we go.

    Lu Xun: *Sets a match alight*

    Lu Xun: Now watch and learn from the master..*places the tip of the match to the hay stack*

    *hay stack burns*

    *another hay stack burns*

    *another hay stack burns*

    Lu Xun: VOILA!
    Sun Shang Xiang: They're burning down like dominoes!
    Sun Quan: LU XUN YOU FOOL! You've placed the last hay stack right next to our supply depot!
    Lu Xun: -hahaha....huh?
    *Looks at supply depot in flames*

    Lu Xun: Whoops...

    *Sees Sun Quan's face turn red*
    Lu Xun: WAIT DON'T! I'll buy you another one!!
    *Sun Shang Xiang slaps her face*
    Xiao Qiao: OOooOOoh...someones in trouble!

    Lu Xun: Please, don't tell!
    Sun Quan: I SO will!
    Lu Xun: Hmm...
    Pretty please, with sugar lumps on top?
    Sun Quan: *Hand twitches* cup or two?
    Lu Xun: Three please. (Heheh)

    A few minutes later..

    Sun Jian: LU XUN, come here.
    Lu Xun: *gulps and hides his matches* Y-yes sir?
    Sun Jian: This technique....I want you to use this technique in our real battle against Wei. IT'S BRILLIANT!! Well done! A 10/10. You truly are a genius! *clap*
    Lu Xun: ....
    Sun Jian: Lu Xun is the winner of this talent show!
    Lu Xun: HUH!?'re not mad at me?
    Sun Jian: Of course I am!
    Sun Jian: DO you know how VALUABLE that supply depot was to us!?
    THE WU KINGDOM IS NOTHING WITHOUT IT!! YOU FOOL! *puts a dunce hat on him*
    Sun Jian: But you still win the talent show. Well done. I commend you.
    Lu Xun: will you let me off?
    Sun Jian: Of course.
    Sun Quan: But father, he just burnt down our supply depot!
    Sun Jian: He did!? Lu Xun COME BACK HERE!
    Lu Xun: Err..Yes sir?
    Sun Jian: You get a -0! I hope you're happy.
    Lu Xun: WHAT!!??

    *Everyone's mouths hang open*

    Sun Jian: We will now announce the winners of today's talent show!
    Taichi Ci (bruised eye): How embarassing I couldn't even take part..
    Sun Shang Xiang: Ooooh, I'm so excited!

    *Everyone listens*

    Sun Jian: In third place is Da Qiao, for making flowers blush right in front of our eyes! I myself found that very spectacular, and I'm sure Sun Ce did too.
    Da Qiao: YES!!!
    Sun Jian: Well done Da Qiao. *clicks fingers*

    *Nobody presents to her a glass of warm milk and some CD's*

    Da Qiao: *Takes*
    Nobody: Dwink it up sweetie.
    Da Qiao:
    Xiao Qiao: HAH! Drink up sis!

    Da Qiao: (Well I can't be rude..)

    *drinks milk*

    Da Qiao:...Hey..this is pretty nice! In fact wonderful.

    Da Qiao: And um..CD's? Aahaha, thankyou. *reads*


    Da Qiao: Oh, how charming. Hm..never heard of it though. I shall listen to it before I go to bed.

    Nobody: Aww!

    Xiao Qiao: So that means I must be second...or maybe first! HAHAHA! I'm first sis! *high fives self in the mirror*
    Da Qiao: What are you talking about!? He hasn't even announced second place yet!

    Sun Jian: In second place is Lu Meng for his outstanding roar, calling the devil. It almost competed with my roar- quite a surprise for all of us I'm sure.
    Lu Meng: AL-RIGHT!
    Taichi Ci: I'm so proud of you Lu Meng!

    *Sun Jian presents Peacock Urn to Lu Meng*

    Lu Meng: I am honoured, my lord.
    Xiao Qiao: Wow! Is that a real Peacock?
    Da Qiao: ....*Looks at Xiao* Yes. Yes it is..
    Xiao Qiao: Awww, can I feed it Lu Meng, can I?
    Lu Meng:
    Xiao Qiao: Oh well, it doesn't matter, because I GET the Imperial Seal! *high fives self in mirror*
    ...*Da Qiao looks at Xiao*

    Sun Jian: And in FIRST place...

    *everyone listens*


    Sun Jian: Is me!


    Sun Jian: -for my outstanding efforts. Not only did I imitate a tiger perfectly, but I even did a second performance after that. My performance was therefore not halved, but doubled! Double the performance, double the score! How much fairer could it get?
    Sun Shang Xiang: -FATHER YOU BIG FAT CHEAT!
    Sun Jian: Even my daughter couldn't tell which one was the real Sun Jian.
    Sun Jian: Haha, you think? *Takes the Imperial Seal*

    Zhou Tai:..Are you serious!? I stopped talking so I could get that Imperial Seal!

    Sun Jian: It's okay, I'm only joking.
    Zhou Tai: Huh?
    Sun Jian: The winner is not me. There was someone far better in this talent show, but I'm too afraid to announce who.
    Sun Shang Xiang: Tell, father! It's me, isn't it!?
    Sun Ce: No, it's me!
    Sun Quan: I get that Imperial Seal, cups down!
    Zhou Tai: I win.
    Gan Ning: I bet 1000 Gold pieces that it's me.
    Zhou Tai: Yeah? Well I bet 10,000.
    Gan Ning: You're on!
    Ling Tong: GUYS SHUT THE HELL UP!!'s me, isn't it?

    Da Qiao: STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ling Tong: Ouuuch! Don't shout in my ear!..

    Sun Jian: Well actually a majority of you recieved '10', however due to the constant blabbering and smartass comments about winning from all of you, Nobody 7 was the only one who didn't complain, so Nobody 7, the cow milker WINS the Imperial Seal!

    Nobody 7: *sniff* Me honoured.

    Nobody 1: NOOO!! Can I have ur Imperial Seal?
    Nobody 2: No, can I have it?
    Nobody 3: I'll trade you milk for it.
    Nobody 4: I want a Imperial Seal too!
    Nobody 5: But I'm Sun Jian's favourite nobody!
    Nobody 6: Well Sun Jian's favourite number is 6, so there!

    Sun Jian: Actually it's 3.

    Nobody 3: lol kay.
    Nobody 6: He was talking to m3, not u!
    Nobody 3: EOUGH!!!
    Nobody 6: EOUGH!!!
    Nobody 3: EOUGH!!!
    Nobody 6: EOUGH!!!

    Ling Tong: I can't take any more of this..

    After all 6 Nobody's were beheaded..

    Nobody 7: Aww, but here.. *passes the Imperial Seal to Da Qiao* for dwinking miwk and listening to SHE-DE'sh, me give this to you.
    Da Qiao: WHAT!?
    Xiao Qiao: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!????????????????????????
    Ling Tong: ..I somehow get the feeling he has no idea what an Imperial Seal is.

    *Nobody gives Imperial Seal to Da*

    Nobody: For you.
    Da Qiao: I....I don't know what to say!
    Xiao Qiao: Give it to me, Da!
    Da Qiao: -What? NO!

    Everyone:......................................... ..................................*SILENCE*

    Sun Jian: So to sum it all up, what did we do today?
    Sun Quan: We celebrated a fire attack with a fire attack..
    Sun Jian: And what did we learn?
    Ling Tong: That you're a disappointment to Wu.
    Sun Jian: THAT'S RIGHT!
    Sun Jian: And what else did we learn?
    Everyone except Lu Xun: That Lu Xun is an enemy in disguise.
    Sun Jian: Very good.
    Lu Xun: W-wait! That' not it!

    THE END.
    Last edited by Ghost Of Da Qiao; 31-07-09 at 04:32 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    United States


    Sun Shang Xiang (Whispering to Sun Ce): Is she talking to herself??
    Sun Ce (Whispering back):....I dunno, but I'm so glad I married Da..
    Yeah, Zhou Yu is my favorite character but i kind of feel bad that he is married to Xiao Qiao, just because she acts like an annoying kid.

    Also, what about zhou yu coming in second or third? everyone though he did awesome and stuff and he didn't complain so yeah..... lol

    Last, at the end of Chi Bi, Sun Ce and Sun Jian were both dead....

    But good story though haha.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    United Kingdom


    Eeeep!! XD I am glad you liked it! Hehe, I kind of just let out whatever was going on inside my imagination, so I never second guessed anything. XD That is why the storyline might logically be confusing. And I know nothing of the actual Chinese History. XP
    Thankyou for that piece of History you gave me! XD I didn't know. ^^;


    Liu Bei- In Dynasty Warriors 4 when he gets hit, he sounds fragile and unconfident. So I made his personality that way too!

    Lu Xun- In Dynasty Warriors 3, Lu Xun looks and sounds French, so I gave him a French personality!

    Nobody (Dynasty Warriors 3)- These are the Generals which all look the same. There are three of them altogether, but I mostly think of the ones which shout ''EOUGH!!' when they get hit, and say ''Fate is against you! You will die!' I imagined these Nobody's to have a puny voice. They like all like to gather and sell milk and CD's to their fellow Officers. (The CD's have ATROCIOUS Rap music made by the Nobody's!)

    Sun Quan- In Dynasty warriors 3, Sun Quan has a strong English accent, so he also has an English personality!

    Zhang Liao: In Dynasty Warriors 3, when I looked at the description of Zhang Liao in the Encyclopedia, I read 'He made Babies cry'. I then imagined him trying to steal a rattle from a Baby. So the Baby is crying because he is trying to steal its rattle. Then I imagined him trying to steal everything! He is a Kleptomaniac who steals anything (or anyone) he can and puts them in a giant sack/bag. The bag is magical and everything he puts into this bag gets reincarnated.
    Zhang Liao is God. He runs around with a huge bag, bagging everything in site! Cao Cao becomes furious everytime because he always knows Zhang Liao is up to no good! When Zhang Liao is running in the distance, you just see a silhouette, a bag, and a giant moustache! (Zhang Liao's symbol) Zhang Liao is known throughout the land as God.

    Zhang Liao's moustache gives him an accent, so when he says bag, he pronounces it like ''Beg''.

    Zhang Liao Hymns:

    Hymn 1:

    Just put it in the beg (bag)..
    Put it in the beg...
    Put it in the Beg.

    Hymn 2:

    All Gods Creatures great and small,
    put it in the beg. *puts a creature in the bag*
    All gods creatures short and tall,
    put it in the beg. *puts another creature in the bag*
    All of Gods great creatures,
    put them in the beg - beg - beg.
    *Repeat, with background voices*

    Zhuge Liang- He is known as the sleeping Dragon. He likes to sleep a lot! And has a sleepy voice when he is not sleeping. ^______^

    WEI'S DESTRUCTION DAY (Dynasty Warrors 4)

    Cao Cao: Hmph. Worthless....EVERYTHING'S WORTHLESS! *Stabs the table with a knife*
    Men, we have no choice but to detroy everything. Refuse, and you will ALL will die. *grabs sword and holds it against a Nobody's throat*
    Got that?
    Nobody: *Gulp*

    *Xu Huang and Xu Zhu look at eachother*

    Xu Zhu: You mean...just destroy stuff? With no intention?
    Cao Cao: *looks at him with flaming eyes*

    Xu Zhu: *Gulp*
    Cao Cao: NO intention. Whatsoever.

    Zhen Ji: But my lord, we can't just go around destroying all our valuable supplies recklessly whilst pleasing your temporary needs for destruction.
    Cao Cao: You will do as I tell. Is that what you are saying?
    Zhen Ji: Yes, but my point is that we SHOULDN'T, because then our entire Kingdom will be detroyed, and Shu and Wu will be the only Kingdoms left..
    Cao Cao: are right. We need a plan. Get to it!
    Zhen Ji: But my lord, you haven't even told us any details about the situat-
    Cao Cao: I said GET TO IT!
    Zhen Ji: Yes sir.
    Sima Yi: Yes...a plan...
    How about I take your Kingdom and lead your entire army? For a price of course..
    Cao Cao: I'm not paying a single penny for you to lead my Kingdom.
    What a ridiculous idea!
    Sima Yi: Grr..

    Xu Zhu: Uh...I don't like the idea of this..
    Xu Huang: Yeah, and we've got a battle against Shu to win tomorrow. Can't we give it a break?

    Cao Cao: THE BATTLE!! I almost forgot..
    Sima Yi: My lord, how foolish you can be. I will gladly take this Kingdom in my hands whenever you are ready.
    Cao Cao: Will you shut up already, before I kill you first?
    Sima Yi: *Gulp*
    Xu Huang: Aw man...but they've locked themselves in that castle again. Since when did Guan Yu's escape turn into a fad?
    Zhen Ji: God knows..
    Zhang Liao: ..*moustache twitches*
    Xu Huang: Have something to say, Zhang Liao?
    Zhang Liao: *shakes head*

    Cao Cao: We will hold a contest of destruction!.... this will take place just outside the Shu Kingdom. Through doing this, we will annoy them so much, those measly peons will be forced out of they're pathetic castle, and into they're graves, and if they refuse to come out then we will just have to work even harder, and if they still refuse to come out then we will have to work ourselves even harder than harder until our lungs die and our hearts stop-
    Zhen Ji: Some one SAVE the poor man before he suffocates!

    Cao Cao: -and our eyes turn red, and we're gasping for breath to save our measly pathetic little lives before Wu and Shu take over the world and-

    Zhen Ji: *puts a full stop in his sentence*
    Cao Cao: *gasping for breath*

    ..Does this include you, my lord?

    Cao Cao: Everyone, but me.
    Zhen Ji: WHAT!?
    Xiahou Dun: Cousin, do you not realize we are risking all our lives for this contest?
    Xiahou Yuan: Yeah! It ain't just a contest. It's a contest of destruction. One of us could get hurt!
    Cao Cao: Ah, but in result you will be forcing Shu out. They wouldn't just sit there watching they're castle getting detroyed. That's just madness!
    Dian Wei: Why? It's not like you care if your own generals die..
    Cao Cao: True.

    *half an hour later*

    Xu Zhu: We're heeere!
    Cao Cao: It is official now! Let the contest begin!
    Dian Wei: B-but haven't even explained the rules yet!

    *Everyone panicks*


    Nobody: Hey, there's an army outside the cast-
    Liu Chan: Everyone surrender!
    Nobody: -le!
    Yue Ying: What are you talking about!? Nothing's even happened, and you've already lost your confidence.
    Liu Chan: Well hurry up! Do something!
    Yue Ying: YOU'RE the leader here. Take some responsibility.
    Liu Chan: Okay, luckily I came prepared. Gets a box of 60,000 white flags. We surrender NOW.
    Yue Ying: No, NOT that. Ugh...forget it.
    *looks up* I wish husband was here..

    *Zhuge Liang runs in*
    Zhuge Liang: Quick! We must hurry!
    Yue Ying: HUSBAND!? But you're dead!
    Zhuge Liang: Quick, we have no time. Onwards!

    *Jiang Wei walks in*
    Jiang Wei:.......................PRIME MINISTER!?
    OMG! PRIME MINISTER!!! *hugs Zhuge Liang and kisses him on the lips* You are alive!! I am so glad you are here! Me and Liu Chan were just planning to surrender, just like your books said!

    Zhuge Liang:.I see.
    Just to tell you, that piece of advice came from the 'what not to do part' part of the strategy book.


    Zhen Ji: *playing the flute*Is this bad enough, my lord?
    Cao Cao: No! Make it worse! Make they're ears bleeeeed...


    Wei Yan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Noisy..
    Ma Chao: What in the name of justice is this unbearable screeching noise I hear? Is this the Gods way of repaying me!?
    Zhao Yun: *Blocking ears* Guys...stay calm...I'm sure Liu Chan has a plan...

    Liu Chan: *running around ripping his hair out* Surrender! Surrender! Surrender!
    Yue Ying: Liu Chan is going nuts! Someone do something!
    Zhuge Liang: I have a plan.
    Indeed. I foretell that Liu Chan wants us to surrender.
    Yue Ying: *Slaps forehead*
    Liu Bei: *knocks Liu Chan out*
    Yue Ying:...Why on earth did you just do that?
    Liu Bei: Trust me, it's the only way.

    Zhuge Liang: According to my mind clock, the noise should stop in 6 seconds.
    Jiang Wei: Arrrgh!!! Prime Minister! Why is it that you are not affected by this noise?
    Zhuge Liang: The heavens have favoured me. 4 seconds..
    Jiang Wei: That's all!???
    Heavens! Please favor me too!!
    Zhuge Liang: It won't work on you. Only on me. 2 seconds..
    Jiang Wei:...

    Zhuge Liang: 1 second.
    *Noise stops*

    Zhuge Liang: I was right. As usual. *falls asleep*


    Zhen Ji: Hmph! Still not out? Insolence. I guess I lose the contest then.

    Cao Cao: Dian Wei, you are next. Remember, whoever summons them out of that castle is the winner.

    Dian Wei: Gotcha! *runs towards the castle and attempts to smash it down with his axe*
    Cao Cao: YOU FOOL! You' may be strong, but not that strong!


    Zhao Yun: Hey, do you hear that noise?
    Pang Tong: Eh, I think it's just Zhuge Liang sneezing again.


    Cao Cao: Useless!

    Xiahou Dun, you are next.
    Xiahou Dun: That's it! *gets a rock and uses his eyepatch as a slingshot*



    Zhuge Liang: What was that? *looks outside*...Just my imagination.


    Cao Cao: Useless!! Everything's useless!

    Surely you have a better idea, Yuan?

    Xiahou Yuan: Yes sir! *shoots his bow and arrow*
    Xiahou Dun: Aaaargh!!!
    Xiahou Yuan: Huh?
    Xiahou Dun: My eye! Now both are gone! *eats other eye*
    Xiahou Yuan: Whoops..Wrong way.
    Xiahou Dun: *covering his eye socket* AREN'T YOU EVEN GOING TO SAY SORRY?

    Xiahou Yuan: Hmm...hope I shoot the right way this time.
    Xiahou Dun: Hope!?
    Xiahou Yuan: *shoots his bow and arrow through an open window*


    Wei Yan:...MY MASK!..Has a dent!!...Grr..
    Ma Chao: Let me see...
    *looks outside*

    Those people are NOT just! We must plan a counter attack.
    *Takes Wei Yan's mask and puts it on his face* I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, WEI!


    Cao Cao: ...
    What the hell?
    Nonetheless, very good Yuan. You seemed to have attracted the most attention!
    Next is Xu Huang..

    Xu Huang: *climbs onto a wall* Here goes!!
    *Falls, and smashes the floor, creating a massive earthquake*


    Everyone in Shu: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

    Zhuge Liang: *Wakes up*
    ..I've been woken up..!? Very clever...If he does that again, I might be forced to take action...

    Cao Cao: Hahahaha! A nice effort Huang! Slowly our plan is working!!
    Cao Cao: Sima Yi, you are next. Use your tactical mind to CRUSH Shu.
    Sime Yi: Payback! *points his fan at Zhuge Liang*
    *shouting* Zhuge Liang, come out of that stupid castle!! *places a box of Revelon make-up on the floor*
    Zhen Ji: H-hey that's mine!
    Sima Yi: Quiet woman. Can't you see what I'm trying to win here?


    Zhuge Liang: *clenches his fists* That man is very stubborn.
    *takes a feather from his fan and throws it out of the window*
    Sima Yi: *GASP*
    Cao Cao: What's the matter Sima Yi?
    Sima Yi: That's the biggest insult he could have possibly done!
    Cao Cao:...

    Sima Yi: Grr! *drops his fan*
    Zhuge Liang: Is this a challenge..?

    Zhuge Liang: Very well. *drops his fan too*

    Sima Yi: *stares*
    Zhuge Liang: *stares back*

    One hour later..

    Sima Yi: *Staring*
    Zhuge Liang: *Staring back*

    Cao Cao: Insolence. Sima Yi, stop wasting your time.

    Sima Yi: (From my genius mind, I foretell that I am going to lose this battle)

    *shouts* Zhuge Liang, you win!

    Cao Cao: YOU FOOL! I knew I shouldn't have counted on you!
    Go my son! Now is the time to reveal your true potential.

    Cao Pi: Hmph. You worthless fools. Watch the master. *Takes out his weapon*
    Oh crap.

    Cao Cao: What is it?
    Cao Pi: M-my weapon! It's gone!
    Cao Cao: WHAT!?
    Xu Zhu: Uh...boss? I think that's the guy who stole it. *points*

    Cao Cao: *Sees a moving moustache in the distance*
    ZZZZZZHAAAANG LIAAOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    A few minutes later..

    Cao Cao: Now Zhang He, you're our only hope. Do us proud!
    Zhang He: The art of beauty is within beauty itself! *Winks at Zhuge Liang* Am I pretty?


    Zhuge Liang: A man is winking at me...
    Yue Ying: ...What!? NO ONE winks at you without MY permission.
    Zhuge Liang: He has my permission.
    Yue Ying:...

    A few minutes later..

    Guard Captain: I'm sorry, we cannot allow you in.
    Yue Ying: ..First of all, I'm going outside of the castle, not inside. And secondly, I'M YOUR ALLY- YOU MORON!
    Guard Captain: I'm sorry, but without the lord's permission, we cannot let you in.
    Yue Ying: What!!?

    Later on..

    Yue Ying: Liu Bei, tell these idiots that you're their lord.
    Liu Bei (In a powerful voice): Open the gates men!
    Guard Captain: Not without the lord's permission.
    Liu Bei: ...Men, you have put me in such an awkward position.

    Very well. There is only one thing left to do..I am very sorry to do this, but there is no other way to put an end to this.

    After all gate captains are killed..

    Yue Ying: Cao Cao, your life ends now!
    Liu Bei: Cao Cao, your life ends here!
    Zhuge Liang: Cao Cao, your life ends now.
    Cao Cao: Hahaha!! So you've finally come out of your castle, have you?

    Sima Yi: Ah, Zhuge Liang! Just in time..
    Zhuge Liang: Sima Yi, we will now settle this once and for all..
    *Staring contest*
    Cao Cao: Sima Yi! This is not the time for a staring contest! Shu must be crushed!
    Sima Yi: Quiet! can't you see I'm busy?
    Liu Bei: ..What? So now the entire fate of this battle lies in a staring contest? How embarassing..
    Cao Cao: No! That is such a pitiful way to end such a battle. Someone must be killed! Men, think of something!
    Nobody 1: ...*shrug*
    Nobody 2: ..*shrug*
    Nobody 3: .*shrug*
    Cao Cao: USELESS!
    We must build some kind of contraption..Perhaps whist Zhuge Liang is distracted. Although this contraption may be so dangerous, Sima Yi may also die..

    MEN, I have a plan.

    *All Generals of Wei gather*

    Zhen Ji:...DESTROY SIMA YI TOO!? Are you out of your mind?!
    Sima Yi:...! *turns to Cao Cao with red eyes* Did I hear that correctly?
    Cao Cao: Err..umm...Don't you have a staring contest to win?
    Sima Yi: Oh crap!
    Zhuge Liang: You lose yet again Sima Yi. That means we have the right to retire to our castle and live peacefully.
    Cao Cao: This battle won't end without a fight!!
    Zhuge Liang: Indeed. *starts running*
    *Watches Zhuge Liang running away whilst holding his hat to stop it from falling*

    Cao Cao: Zhang He, GO!

    Zhang He: Yes sir! *runs in front of Zhuge Liang* Am I pretty? *wink*
    Yue Ying: Pshht! There he goes again..

    *Zhuge Liang slows down*
    Zhuge Liang: *Infatuated*...Are you my Angel?
    Yue Ying: H-husband!?...what's gotten into you??

    Zhuge Liang: You truly are beautiful..
    Yue Ying: ..Oh..thankyou! *blush*
    Zhuge Liang: -Zhang He
    Yue Ying: W-hat the!? *slap* WE'RE GETTING A PERMANENT DIVORCE!
    Zhuge Liang: Okay.

    Ma Chao: Great..we've lost our strategist. Now what?
    Yue Ying:...Wait! I have a plan! Everyone-

    Cao Cao: ZHEN JI!

    Zhen Ji: *plays flute*

    *Entire Shu army deafens whilst somehow Wei doesn't*

    Yue Ying: ----------

    Did you all get that?

    Zhao Yun: Huh? Did you say something Yue Ying?
    Yue Ying: Ugh! Forget it!

    Wei Yan: AAAH!! Noisy!! My ears!
    Xiahou Dun: Better than losing yours eyes, huh?
    Wei Yan:....AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! MONSTER!!!!! NO EYES!!!
    Xiahou Dun: ...
    Well you don''t have to rub it in!!

    Cao Cao: Cao Pi! *clicks fingers*
    Cao Pi: Gotcha!
    *turns to Zhuge Liang* So Zhuge Liang, you think you can out do me? You must be out of your mind.
    Zhuge Liang:...Where's your weapon?
    Cao Pi: Do you REALLY think you can out do me?
    Zhuge Liang: Sir, where is your weapon?
    Cao Pi: ...
    Make a run for it!

    Cao Cao: Now, quick! Xiahou Yuan! Shoot an arrow directly North-East!
    Xiahou Yuan: *shoots*

    Ma Chao: Quick! They've gone that way! Lets follow them!
    Liu Bei: Hurry men! *Gets onto his disorientated horse*

    Cao Cai: Haha! The plan is working perfectly... All we need now is for somone in Shu to say the word...


    Yue Ying: Oh no, we lost them!
    Ma Chao: Oh GOD I can't believe this!

    Zhang Liao: *Moustache twitches* Did someone say God!?

    Yue Ying: Huh? Who's there?
    Zhao Yun: Wait, I see a moustache!

    Zhang Liao: My prey's prayer has been answered
    Pray that next time I will be your prey.

    *Shu is reincarnated*

    Cao Cao: Well done Zhang Liao! I am proud to say that you have won the compet-
    Zhang Liao: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG IIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!! *Bags Cao Cao*
    Cao Cao: ZZZZZZHAAAANG LIAAAAAAOOOoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Cao Pi: Hmm...there he goes.
    So now what?
    Dian Wei: ..Cao Pi, you are now our new ruler. *bows*
    Cao Pi: ..Huh!?..Wow, that was quick.
    Zhen Ji: Oh, I am so proud of you lord Cao Pi!
    Xu Zhu: Umm...Zhang Liao? Can we have our lord back please?
    Zhang Liao: *moustache twitches*
    Cao Pi: Can I at least have my weapon back?
    Zhang Liao: *Chucks him a rattle*
    Cao Pi: Umm...I don't believe my weapon was a rattle..
    Zhang Liao: That's what it was reincarnated into. PRAISE THE LORD! *Runs off*

    Back in the Wei Kingdom..

    Xu Huang: Man, it sure does feel lonely with Cao Cao gone..
    Cao Pi: If anything happens to me Sima Yi, you may do as you please.
    Sima Yi: *grin* I cannot wait until that day..
    Cao Pi: What did you say!?
    Sima Yi: Umm...yes..I cannot wait to get an ice cream Sundae.
    Cao Pi: ..I see.

    Voice: Worthless...pure folly

    Xu Huang: you hear that? It sounds like Cao Cao!

    *Wei officers rush to the room next door*

    Zhen Ji: *gasp*
    Cao Pi: WHAT!?

    Nobunaga: You will all serve under me.
    Zhen Ji: Please don't tell me...
    Dian Wei: This is Cao Cao's reincarnation, isn't it?

    THE END.
    Last edited by Ghost Of Da Qiao; 01-08-09 at 10:12 AM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2009


    GOOD WORK!!!



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    Omg the Wu Talent Show made me lol'ed alot. Especailly Quan's "Talee Ho!" part. XD

    Sun Quan: Like they always say, ''Talee Ho!'
    Nice job!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    United Kingdom


    Wow I can see you are realy dedicated to Dynasty Warriors. Anyway nice scripts and good work.

    Good work you have made some really good scripts. You should be proud of yourself!!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2012


    Wow. I really like this one. Thanks.
    Really a good one.
    relationship advice and relationship advice for women
    Last edited by mfranklin808; 11-01-12 at 11:12 PM.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    United Kingdom


    Oh god bot invasion.
    Discuss Anime, Video Games, Movies or whatever is on your mind.

    My youtube Channel:

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